MAGA Masturbator: Candidate Arrested for Sexual Indecency Near Preschool

RANDY GENE KAUFMAN, a Trump-loving Republican candidate for the Maricopa County Community College District Governing Board, was arrested for public sexual indecency after he was caught allegedly watching porn and masturbating in his car near a preschool on Oct. 4. 

According to an affidavit, a Maricopa County police officer noticed a Ford F-150 parked across three spaces with a shade screen across the front windshield. The officer wrote that he approached the car and “immediately became alarmed as I saw [Kaufman] had his pants down mid-thigh and was exposed showing his fully erect nude penis,” Kaufman was reportedly so engrossed in his activities that he did not notice the officer at his passenger side door until he moved around the car to the drivers side window. 

The officer wrote that the car was parked “with a full view of the Wirtzels Preschool and Child Care Center,” about 190 feet away, and that he saw “several preschool age children having outdoor activities in the playground,” as well as vehicles passing within 10 feet of the car. 

Kaufman was asked to step out of the vehicle and was questioned by the officer. Kaufman claimed he had been in the area buying rebar and that he didn’t normally do this. “I’m just really stressed out. I have a lot of things going on,” he told the officer, admitting to having been watching intteracial porn in his car. When questioned as to if he knew he was so close to a preschool he responded, “I didn’t notice it until you came up and I got out of my truck.” 

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Author: HP McLovincraft

Seeker of rabbit holes. Pessimist. Libertine. Contrarian. Your huckleberry. Possibly true tales of sanity-blasting horror also known as abject reality. Prepare yourself. Veteran of a thousand psychic wars. I have seen the fnords. Deplatformed on Tumblr and Twitter.

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