Back in the days of Roman imperial decadence, at least according to legend, the emperor Caligula demonstrated his unfitness for office and the dangers of public indifference and complacency when he appointed his horse Incitatus a senator. Woke America hasn’t reached such an advanced stage of imperial decadence that we have a horse in the Senate; all we have is a dog in the Department of Energy.
Sam Brinton (“they/them”) tweeted happily on Wednesday: “It’s official. As of June 19th, I now serve my nation as the Deputy Assistant Secretary for Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the Office of Nuclear Energy in the Department of Energy.” He attached a photo of himself that was apparently taken in his office; in it, a smirking, lipsticked Brinton, hands on hips, is wearing a belted sleeveless red jumpsuit (or something) with American flag-themed high heels and a chain necklace.
Brinton modestly omits mention of the fact that he is the first canine to serve in the Department of Energy. In a 2016 article in Metro Weekly, he speaks at length about “puppy play” (he is identified only by his first name, but an accompanying photo makes it clear that Sam in the article is Brinton. The new Deputy Assistant Secretary explains: “I actually have trouble when we transition from pup play to having sex. Like, ‘No, I can’t have you whimper like that when we’re having sex,’ because I don’t want to mix that world. It’s interesting, because he doesn’t have to come out of pup mode to have me f**k him. I personally have to bring him out of pup perception for me. But then I’m still treating him as a submissive to me.”
The nuclear energy expert defends all this against those strait-laced bigots who might object: “I’ve honestly had people ask, ‘Wait, you have sex with animals?’ They believe it’s abusive, that it’s taking advantage of someone who may not be acting up to a level of human responsibility…. The other misperception is that I have some really messed up background, like, did I have some horrible childhood trauma that made me like to have sex with animals.”
He may not have mentioned all this Wednesday because, in typical Leftist fashion, he claims that an earlier announcement of his appointment had led to him receiving threats. It’s funny how Leftists are responsible for the overwhelming majority of the political violence in America today, yet Leftist politicians and officials routinely claim that they’re constantly being harassed by racist, redneck, MAGA hat-wearing yahoos. Brinton tweeted: “Due to the concern of negative and threatening responses like we saw in my previous announcement, including more than a hundred death threats and more vitriol than I could have imagined, I held off announcing my official start until I could be safe and secure in my new role.”