Merry Christmas and all that. We’ve just a few days left in what has been by far the dumbest year on record. Don’t worry—the next one will be even dumber, and 2028 is going to reach forbidding heights of stupidity for which none of us are adequately prepared. Enjoy this while it lasts.
Come, friends and haters. Join us on a journey through time and space. Take a moment to reflect on some of the dumbest (and not so dumb) moments of 2025, most of which you’ve probably forgotten by now.
JANUARY — Corpse Removed from White House
• Sleepy Joe Biden was finally evicted from his taxpayer-funded care facility. Kamala Harris was also forced to leave, but not before humiliating herself one last time by pledging allegiance to “the United States of the United States of America” and certifying her own defeat, to joyous applause from members of Congress. Jeff Bezos’s wife-to-be, Lauren Sánchez, flaunted her tits at President Donald Trump’s second inauguration.
• Former senator Bob Menendez (D., N.J.), a.k.a. “Bullion Bob,” was sentenced to 11 years in prison following his conviction on corruption charges. His daughter continues to host a show on MSNBC.
• As wildfires ravaged California, ABC News anchor David Muir leapt at the chance to show off his chiseled bod on national television. In one of the most egregious acts of journalistic narcissism, Muir used a clothespin to achieve a form-fitting silhouette on his network-branded safety jacket while reporting live from the smoldering wreckage.
Hellbound and Down 