Van Hollen Backtracks As El Salvador Stunt Backfires Spectacularly

Senator Chris Van Hollen (D-Md.) is frantically backpedaling after his ill-conceived El Salvador publicity stunt blew up in his face. The Maryland Democrat, who initially trumpeted his mission to “rescue” a deported MS-13 gang member, is now desperately trying to rewrite the script of his adventure gone wrong.

When Van Hollen first landed in the country, he couldn’t wait to broadcast his virtuous mission to the world. “I just landed in San Salvador,” he proclaimed proudly, promising to secure the release of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, whom he claimed was “illegally abducted.” 

Fast forward a few days, and suddenly the senator’s bold crusade has morphed into a classic attempt to backpedal. While Van Hollen was making a fool of himself, the Trump administration revealed the evidence that Abrego Garcia is, in fact an MS-13 gang member, but also that he reportedly engaged in human trafficking and domestic abuse.

Suddenly, this photo-op to own Trump and his immigration policies became an epic self-own, and Van Hollen’s tone has shifted dramatically, evening accusing El Salvador president Bukele of setting him up.

“I just want to take a moment—I hadn’t planned to do this,” Van Hollen said during a hastily arranged press availability. “But as I was landing on the airplane, I got a transcript of some questions President Trump was asked at the White House today about what I would call ‘Margaritagate.’ I don’t know if you guys have been following this…”

Van Hollen tried to explain away the photo as a staged deception. “When I first sat down with Kilmar, we just had glasses of water on the table, I think maybe some coffee,” he insisted. “And as we were talking, one of the government people came over and deposited two other glasses on the table with ice and I don’t know if it was salt or sugar around the top. But they looked like margaritas.”

He also accused the Salvadoran government of manipulating the scene to make it appear as though he and the deported gang member were drinking together. “If you look at the one they put in front of Kilmar, it actually had a little less liquid than the one in front of me, to try to make it look, I assume, like he drank out of it,” Van Hollen said. “Let me just be very clear. Neither of us touched the drinks that were in front of us.”

And then he kept digging himself into a hole.

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Author: HP McLovincraft

Seeker of rabbit holes. Pessimist. Libertine. Contrarian. Your huckleberry. Possibly true tales of sanity-blasting horror also known as abject reality. Prepare yourself. Veteran of a thousand psychic wars. I have seen the fnords. Deplatformed on Tumblr and Twitter.

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