A no-feel Sexxit? UK reintroduces sprawling casual-sex ban amid nationwide lockdown ramp-up

The UK government has warned horny citizens that getting down with someone who lives outside their household will violate strict new lockdown measures which have reanimated an unpopular policy from earlier this summer.

British couples who don’t live together have once again been banned from bonking by London’s coronavirus restrictions, which – as of Friday – forbid individuals living in “high risk” Tiers Two and Three regions from staying overnight at the house of someone outside their “bubble.” Unlike similar regulations rolled out over the summer, even individuals in an “established relationship” are strongly discouraged from getting it on.

The new rules prohibit mixing of households indoors unless the individuals involved are members of a support or childcare “bubble.” Traveling to the next town to have a sleepover with your significant other of several years is right out, as is taking home that hot little number you met at the bar (which closed, as Covid-19 diktat requires, at 10pm) – at least, for all who live under Tiers Two and Three, designated “high” and “very high” risk areas for Covid-19 transmission.

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Author: HP McLovincraft

Seeker of rabbit holes. Pessimist. Libertine. Contrarian. Your huckleberry. Possibly true tales of sanity-blasting horror also known as abject reality. Prepare yourself.

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